Miserable Lunch

I had a miserable lunch on Friday. The adjustment counselor decided, in order to help me make friends, I would have lunch with three kids she knew. It was just awful. They were two grades younger, and it definitely showed. One of them was the son of a math teacher I had last year, and while he was potentially weird enough to be interesting I didn't "relate" to him or anything. The counselor tried to stimulate conversation by having us answer stupid, pointless, insipid, questions like "what month is your birthday?" and, "what is your favorite candy?" How the hell would anyone get an understanding of someone else with this kind of information?

I find it hard to talk to one stranger, it's impossible to try to talk to three strangers at once. There would even have been a fourth; a truly obnoxious, annoying girl ,who thankfully had other plans. I don't know why the counselor thought it was a good idea. I think that she thinks if you put a bunch of weirdos together, they will all become friends. It was embarrassing, awkward, and barely tolerable. The worst part is I might have to go through that all over again next Friday.

Doors

In school there are two sets of double-doors to the main entrance. For some reason one set is almost always closed. At the end of school today however both sets were open. Yet everyone was going through the first set to leave the school, despite it being quicker to have split into two groups. I don't know why the just chose the door they normally chose, maybe they disliked the idea of doing somthing differently than what the norm was for all the time they were at school. At any rate nobody broke out of the normal routine dispite a more efficent alternative having manifested. I was the only one to use the second set of doors to skip past the group going throught the first set. I allowed myself a few seconds of feeling smug.

First Day of Junior Year

Things went ok. The schedule was confusing so I went to a class to early a few times, but that was only because they modified it for the first day. The teachers seem nice. One thing that's worrying is that the math teacher wants us to know every ones name by next week. I'm horrible at remembering names.

I remember last year when I was new to the school. The school had a thing called "New Student Ambassadors". A group of juniors and seniors would give the new students a tour of the school it help them get around. I'm have trouble talking to strangers and I don't think I was a very good companion for my Ambassador, a bright and friendly girl. She tried to chat with me, obviously doing her best to try to make me comfortable, but I'm not very good at small talk, and I'm sure I seemed aloof. We were supposed to exchange e-mails at the end, so I would have a "friend" to connect me to other students, but it was so awkward talking to her, that I refused embarrassed, by the thought of her trying to make me a part of the school community when I couldn't even have a normal chat with her. I suppose my refusal just made me seem even more aloof.

Now one year later I don't feel any more connected to the school. I don't feel like a part of any group at all. I haven't made friends there, and I don't have a sense of community with the other students. Maybe this year will be different, but I think it's just something inherent in my personality that keeps me detached.