Short Story

Inspired by the show Dexter.



I found out Elise was dead. They announced her suicide on morning announcements. I stopped and turned cold. Not because, as most people might assume, I was sorry for her. This was a new situation and I had to be careful not to give any hints that might let people see how empty I am. I thought about how a person who wasn't empty would react. How well did I know her? I had talked to her occasionally, but was not considered to be her friend. Should I pretend to cry? I looked around, most people seemed to be distressed, one girl is crying but I think she was a friend of Elise's. I figured that I didn't need to cry. I wondered if I might have something to do with her suicide. I stole 30 dollars from her purse last week. I didn't think that 30 dollars would cause anyone to commit suicide but it could be a final push. I felt chilled with fear for a few minutes, but nobody had seen me steal the money. Nobody would know that I might have had something to do with her suicide. I felt safe again. I almost smiled but I remembered that wouldn't have looked right to the class.

After first class (which, to my enjoyment, was cut short due to the teacher consoling the upset students). I watched a kid get harassed in the hallway. After a moment one of them slapped the back of his head. I was almost able to empathise with him. Not the kid being hit, but the one who was doing the hitting. I always have an interest in that kind of thing. An exertion of power over a weaker creature. It appeals to me. I almost wanted to join in, but I recognized the kid being bullied, an awkward but very wealthy student. I waited until his tormentors had dispersed before I approached him. I feigned sympathy for him, and apologised for not helping him. He forgave me. I knew he would. He would have done the same thing. He was a coward, I could tell by looking at him. I could befriend him, make him trust me. I could steal his things and he wouldn't have the courage to admit to himself that some he trusted had betrayed him. I smiled. He took that as a friendly expression and tried to make some small talk.

Halloween

Halloween was ok. My sister invited five of her friends over. I don’t trick or treat but I followed them around at the bequest of my sister. I dressed as a nun. Her friends were pretty nice, though I was disappointed that they didn’t want to watch “Let the Right One In”, my favorite movie. It’s a Swedish movie about a 12 year old boy who befriends a mysterious girl that’s just moved in next door. He learns she is a vampire, and that she murders to survive, but she has been so kind to him that he can’t turn against her. It’s a fascinating film that’s sweet, creepy, funny, and morally ambiguous. Rotten Tomatoes lists it as the best reviewed vampire movie since “Nosferatu.”

New poem

As I walked down
The road of his life
I felt with my feet
the stones, the grass, the dirt, and other things,
My feet grew sore, as they encountered all these textures,
but I felt alive,
as I touched the memories of a dead man.

Indie games

I’ve been waiting to play some games. I like indie games, pretentious art games, punk experimental games, games that exist to defy the mainstream. Made by starving artists and new-age geeks they present one of the last entertainment forms that remain truly counter-culture. “The Path” was my favorite, a surreal interactive retelling of Little Red Riding Hood that felt like you were playing a David Lynch movie. Something less artsy and more humorous is “AaaaaAAaaaAAAaaAAAAaAAAAA!!! -- A Reckless Disregard for Gravity” a game about base-jumping in the far future, with each level being described in a made-up jargon and your score measured in teeth. New video games are so often clones of old games, and genres are so homogenous that I love these indie games for going so far out of the realm of convention.

very short story

This is a story inspired by my modernist class.



There is a man who sufferers horribly He has spent years of his life with disease, alone with no one to care for him. Today he prays to God. 'God' he says, "please help me through my pain.' God looks upon him, and sees his miserable life and pities him. He cures the mans illness and blesses him so that he will soon find true love. God ensures he will live happily ever after. Done with his task, God goes on to smite an orphanage in a third world country that is plauged with starvation and aids.

The end.

PSAT

I'm taking a the PSAT on Saturday. I'm hoping to get a 180. I got a 164 last time, so it's definitely within the realm of possibility. If I can get a 180 I could join Mensa. I don't really want to be a part of the organization, but being part of somthing that most people are not "smart" enough to get into is appealing. I suppose it's superficial to want to be able to do somthing just for the perception in carries with it, but it would be a way of validating my worth to myself. I want proof that I am smart. Somtimes I feel I just pretend to be.

Miserable Lunch

I had a miserable lunch on Friday. The adjustment counselor decided, in order to help me make friends, I would have lunch with three kids she knew. It was just awful. They were two grades younger, and it definitely showed. One of them was the son of a math teacher I had last year, and while he was potentially weird enough to be interesting I didn't "relate" to him or anything. The counselor tried to stimulate conversation by having us answer stupid, pointless, insipid, questions like "what month is your birthday?" and, "what is your favorite candy?" How the hell would anyone get an understanding of someone else with this kind of information?

I find it hard to talk to one stranger, it's impossible to try to talk to three strangers at once. There would even have been a fourth; a truly obnoxious, annoying girl ,who thankfully had other plans. I don't know why the counselor thought it was a good idea. I think that she thinks if you put a bunch of weirdos together, they will all become friends. It was embarrassing, awkward, and barely tolerable. The worst part is I might have to go through that all over again next Friday.